Unlocking Catastrophe

Such chaos! It was a work day and the Semi-Retired Drama Queen woke up in a state of confusion. She was late for her meeting at Bangsar Shopping Complex (BSC) and her state of mind was similar to that of her bedroom – messy! She could not even remember what she normally packed for work.

Laptop… Gym bag? What else? Also, what do I normally pack into my gym bag?! Oh, never mind, I’d come back for my stuff after the meeting – on my way to the office!” she thought and left the house.

She attended the meeting, later had lunch with her friend The Queen at BSC, headed home to collect her things and… guess what? Her bedroom door was locked! All her things were in her bedroom. She had unconsciously locked the door that morning and she did not have the key! Double whammy?!

Then… she remembered that she used to unlock doors with cards ages ago. How was it done? Insert the card into the slit between the door and the frame... slide it down while twisting the door knob and jerking it back and forth hard to “jam” the card between the deadlatch and strike plate.

 She tried and failed because the gap between the door and the frame was too close and she was not strong enough to jab the door back and forth with one hand and sliding the card down the slit with the other! Next, she rang her new friend, Cheras Ah Beng to help her break into her room.

Cheras Ah Beng was in Glenmarie. He arrived 30 minutes later and came up with suggestions such as kicking the door open -- bad idea because the Semi-Retired Drama Queen didn't want to break the door in the process; unlocking the door with pin -- another bad idea because all the pins were behind that locked door; and breaking the lock -- let's leave this option as the last.

Still believing that her card method would work, she instructed him to twist the door knob and jerk it back and forth fast and hard while she slipped her Jusco loyalty card into the slit, slided the card down and... SUCCEEDED!

The Weekend Heartache

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen thinks that her home is slowly turning into a museum thanks to her housemate.

Check out her dining table… Half of the dining table has been turned into a display shelf!

Those foodstuff on the table do not belong to her, but the housemate because the Semi-Retired Drama Queen is a minimalist who does not like keeping too many things at home.

She thinks that the housemate has preserved all the foodstuff to be displayed permanently as exhibits. They no longer are perishable items and have been placed there by the housemate on the day she moved in and do not look like they are ever going to be opened or eaten!

To add to the heartache, the housemate returned from Malacca just 30 minutes ago with (guess what?) MORE STUFF for DISPLAY!

Resolution: The Semi-Retired Drama Queen intends to confront the housemate tomorrow. More drama to come?

http://www.spike.com/video/titty-titty-bang/3300001

Botched Boobjob... Nasty!

Waiting for the Drama to Start

See? What did I say about growing up? The little life's drama becomes less frequent... Waiting anxiously for another drama to happen.

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is Ill

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen had a cumulative total of 18 hours of sleep yesterday.

Consciously Dreaming?

Drama used to happen even when the Semi-Retired Drama Queen was in bed.

It happened a few years ago when the Semi-Retired Drama Queen was still the reigning Drama Queen. At that time, she was still living her semi-depressed life amidst the historical remnants down south and came to KL for some errants. She camped at her friend’s company apartment in Damansara Perdana while her friend was away on a business trip. She is normally a light sleeper.

Before I proceed, here’s the definition of the company apartment: Any employees of XXX Company can make use of that facility for certain duration just as long as they pre-book the place.

Here’s what happened. She arrived at the apartment at about 9pm, switched the aircond on, showered and went to bed early that night as there was nothing else for her to do. In the middle of the night, she heard people coming into the house. It sounded like a Chinese family (father, mother and very young kids) and they were moving things around the house.

Suddenly, the 'mother' came into the room she was sleeping in. The then Drama Queen thought that those people were probably employees of XXX Company and that her friend had forgotten to book the apartment. She did not bother waking up as she wanted to avoid the awkwardness of introducing herself to a bunch of strangers in her semi-clothed state. Therefore, she pretended to be sound asleep.

“Who is this?” she heard the 'mother' said, half-whispering to the 'father'.

“OK, children, let's go out, we’ll sleep in the next room. Better take picture first, just in case,” added and started clicking away. The then Drama Queen thought that she would temporarily ignore the incident and get her friend to deal with the situation first thing tomorrow morning.

The next day, she rang her friend who was in Penang and told him about the whole incident. Although busy, he made numerous phone calls and found out that no one else was at the apartment the night before. The then drama queen also inspected the the room that was supposedly occupied by the Chinese family and found no evidence of people sleeping in it.

Both of them then decided that the whole incident actually happened in the then Drama Queen’s dream!

Bali in April, 2011

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen and her travel buddy, The Queen decided that they would visit Ubud, Bali in April, 2011 in hopes to meet hot Brazillian guys there after seeing how hot Javier Bardem was in the movie Eat, Pray, Love. Can't wait!

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen's favourite quotes from the movie:


"Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding your back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can changeyour life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it."


And...


"God dwells within you as yourself, exactly the way you are. God isn't interested in watching you enact some performance of personality in order to comply with some crackpot notion you have about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality. ...every day renunciants find something new to renounce, but it is usually depression, not peace, that they attain."

Life as a Mascot?

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen wonders what life as a mascot would be like? Must be very suffocating?

Nice Geek from ATM

The problem with ATMs is, they sometimes swallow your card and leave you to deal with desperate situations.

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen went to an ATM at Subang Skypark late last year because she ran out of cash. She needed money for petrol and tol (she lived in Bukit Antarabangsa then). The ATM decided to go offline the moment she inserted her card into the slot!

What did she do then? She turned around and a guy was standing there! He looked like a geek but definitely looked kind enough to help a damsel in distress. “Hi, do you have RM10? The ATM just ate my card and I have no money now. I need go home and need the money for tol,” she said to the Nice Geek from ATM.

Feeling awkward (I think he did), he started fumbling for his pocket, fished out his seasoned looking wallet and pulled out the RM10 note for her. Pushing her luck further, she then asked, “I am actually pretty hungry now. Would you mind buying me dinner?” The Nice Geek from ATM agreed! Yay! Free dinner!

Together, they had the most awkward dinner at Sakura Restaurant. The Nice Geek from ATM invited her for coffee at Starbucks later. The Semi-Retired Drama queen was quite reluctant but agreed as the nice geek had after all, been very nice.

She is of course very thankful for the kindness shown to her by the Nice Geek from ATM. She didn’t think he had much money on him too then as he was paying for everything with credit card. Thank you Nice Geek from ATM.


P.s: They exchanged numbers. The Nice Geek from ATM has been asking her out for dinner since, but the Semi-Retired Drama Queen felt that it would be too awkward to meet again (But she would have said yes if he had Gerard Butler's face and Jesus' abs)

The Housemate From Hell

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is a very independent woman who has been living on her own for some time. She is the kind of person who values her space and freedom. Recently, The Semi-Retired Drama Queen let out one her rooms to fund her holidays and ended up with a housemate from a place that is close to hell.

Where the housemate came from, every woman past the age of 21 is married and has a kid (or six) by the time they turn 28. In this somewhat similar to hell-hole place, women were dotted on by their fathers and husbands (especially husbands).

The housemate never had to do anything on her own in her life. When she was young, she always had her father at her service at any time of the day. After she got married, her husband took over the role to wait on her. He washes her clothes (including her under things), does the dishes at home, pays her bills, chauffeur her around, does the grocery, cleans the house, kept her sexually satiated, catered to her emotional needs, provided the sperm for her baby and the list goes on (and will go on forever).

When the housemate moved into the Semi-Retired Drama Queen’s home, they both didn’t know that residents were not allowed to make use of the visitors’ parking bay although the bays were perpetually empty. The housemate made use of the visitors’ parking facilities for a few days in a row until she was stopped at by the guards at the entrance of the apartment one evening. She was asked to park her car outside the apartment vicinity as the parking bays were strictly for visitors only.

“What do you mean I cannot park inside? I live here! It is not safe to park outside, I’ll sue you if anything happens to my car or me if I parked outside,” the housemate argued with the guard at the entrance holding up the queue of cars driving into the apartment for a good 10 minutes.

She then relented and parked the car at a spot 3 minutes walk away from the apartment and rang the Semi-Retired Drama Queen incessantly as the Semi Retired Drama Queen was in a business meeting and could not take the call. 

When The Semi Retired Drama Queen finally found the time to return the call:

SRDQ     : Hi, you called?

Tenant   : SEMI-RETIRED DRAMA QUEEN, I DON’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME! THE GUARDS STOPPED ME FROM PARKING INSIDE! I HAVE TO PARK SO FAR AND WILL HAVE TO WALK TO MY CAR THE NEXT DAY! I AM SO TIRED OF WALKING! AS IT IS, MY OFFICE CAR PARK IS LOCATED SO FAR AWAY, NOW HERE TOO? IT IS TOO DANGEROUS. PEOPLE MAY RAPE ME OR SLASH MY TIRES! I DON’T CARE, YOU HAVE TO SORT THIS OUT! IT’S JUST SO DIFFICULT (started crying hysterically).

SRDQ     : Don’t worry, we’ll work something out. I’ll be home in a bit anyway. We’ll talk when I get home.

When the Semi-Retired Drama Queen got home 40 minutes later, the tenant was still crying.

SRDQ     : You’ll probably have to rent a carpark as the property management does not allow tenants to make use of the visitors’ parking bay. I don’t know who has an empty parking spot now but if you want, I can accompany you to go look at the notice boards for carpark to let.

Tenant   : OMG! I CAN’T DO THIS! I AM SO TIRED! WHERE I CAME FROM MY HUSBAND HANDLED EVERYTHING FOR ME! I DIDN’T HAVE TO DO A SINGLE THING! I HAVE TO BE INDEPENDENT HERE? I JUST CAN’T! AS IT IS, I AM STILL MISSING MY DAUGHTER! YOU CAN GO LOOK BUT I AM NOT GOING WITH YOU!

Although taken aback, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen still made an effort to help by calling up and asking a few people about the carpark rentals. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a spot available at that that time and the tenant would have to be patient until the next one is available.

P.s: The tenant has been harassing the Semi-Retired Drama Queen at work daily by calling and sending her texts about the carpark rental.

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen had a Room to Let

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen lives in an apartment that only comes with a car parking bay per unit. She recently decided to let out a room to fund her holidays so she put up postings online.

Prospective tenants were analysed and screened thoroughly. The following were examples of potential tenants rejected by the Semi-Retired Drama Queen:

A mother calling on behalf of her son

Mother          :       Hi, is this Semi-Retired Drama Queen? I am calling on behalf of my son. He is looking for a room to let around XXX area. Is the room still vacant?

SRDQ             :       Yes, it is and as advertised, it is an empty room.

Mother          :       Got aircond?

SRDQ             :       I am sorry maam, there is no aircond in that room.

Mother          :       Oh, no aircond ah? If no aircond, my son cannot sleep lah! How arr? This room is which floor arr?

SRDQ             :       First floor.

Mother          :       Got parking?

SRDQ             :       I am sorry maam, this unit only comes with one parking bay and I am occupying it.

Mother          :       Oh… Can we come and view the room on Sunday?

SRDQ             :       I am so sorry maam, I’ll be away for a week Sunday onwards.

(Verdict: Rejected! The Semi-Retired Drama Queen does not want to take the risk of living with a spoilt brat who potentially has poor toileting and sanitary habits)

The Girl Who Came with 2 Others:

Girl                :         Hello, Is this Semi-Retired Drama Queen? I came across your “Room to Let” advertisement online and would like to rent it.

SRDQ           :         Can I know with whom am I speaking to please?

Girl                :         Oh, my name is XXX. Actually I would like to rent your room. Can I know how much is it?

SRDQ           :         RM350. Utility included. Would you like to come in for viewing first?

Girl                :         Can… Actually, got 3 of us want to rent lah. So have to wait until all three of us are free. So I confirm with you the time later?

SRDQ           :         Oh, I am sorry. I am looking for only 1 tenant. The room is quite small.

Girl                :         It’s ok lah. We can squeeze.

SRDQ           :         I am sorry, but I will have to turn you down. Three persons will require more utility usage and I have only factored in the price for one in the rental.

Girl                :         Never mind lah. You can increase the rental a little bit more. Because why? This place is very near our work place, so very convenient for us.

SRDQ           :         I am sorry, but I have got to say no.

Girl                :         Why arrr? Can lah… Because why? This price is very good for us. We cannot afford other places and our gaji also cukup only.

SRDQ           :         Hi, sorry but I have got to hang up now. Have a meeting shortly. Bye.

(Verdict: Rejected for obvious reason: Baggage is too big)

After more than a month of selecting and short-listing her prospective tenants, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen selected a girl with the lease baggage (or so she thought). It was until the tenant moved in that the Semi-Retired Drama Queen found out that she was a housemate from hell (well, close to hell).

The First Panic Attack in Her 28 Years of Living

Something very strange was happening to the Semi-Retired Drama Queen. She had a very bad flu and her normal dose of Actifed did not solve the problem. Her throat started to itch instead – she started coughing!

The incessant sneezing and coughing were keeping her up. It was past midnight and she needed to be up early the next day to make it in time for a management meeting at the office. What did the Semi-Retired Drama Queen do? She took another dose of medication, Bena Expectorant (Antihistamine medication for chesty cough) and dosed off within minutes.

Suddenly, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen felt chill all over. Her breathing was shallow and she felt like as if her blood was being drained out of her body so she woke up at 3am. When she checked her palms, they were pale and cold. Scared, she started feeling for her pulse – on her wrist, neck and chest. She felt nothing!

At this point, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen thought that her 28 years of life was about to come to an end. She thought that her vital organs were failing. She lives on her own therefore, she thought that God was giving her a chance to inform someone so that she would not die alone and have her body discovered only days later by some strangers.

Without wasting any more precious time, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen reached for her mobile phone and dialed 999. “Hi, I need an ambulance. I think I my heart had just stopped beating and I am going to die!” She told the operator. Five minutes later, no ambulance arrived. The Semi-Retired Drama Queen grew more anxious and called her brother who lived some three minutes drive away. She then walked to her apartment lobby to wait for her brother.

Her brother was unconvinced that her heart stopped beating but arrived within minutes. He sent her to the emergency room nevertheless.

At the hospital, the doctor carried out blood test, ECG test, blood pressure test etc. “You are going to be fine. You have just had a panic attack in your sleep. So don’t worry”, the doctor said.

P.s.: The Semi-Retired Drama Queen was late for her management meeting later that day because she overslept.