From the Couch of Her Living Room

Five hours to go before the clock strikes midnight. A new year is about to begin. The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is sitting in her living room, overcome with a sense of contentment, taking in the surroundings and thinking, "Life has been good to me after all!"

Corny as it may seem, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen suddenly decided that she would like 2010 to be special. She would like to end this year with something she has never done before: Staying home, sitting in her own living room on her OWN reflecting about life, counting her blessings and thanking God for taking care of her well all these years!

Has the Semi-Retired Drama Queen finally grown up? She is still unable to answer that question. One thing she knows for sure, 2011 is going to be a good year! Why? Something has definitely changed! The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is ACTUALLY feeling contented and happy with her life... She has put together a list of the things in life she is grateful for and thinks that the list will grow longer come midnight.

Wonderful things in life that the Semi-Retired Drama Queen is thankful for:

1. All the life's drama accumulated in her 28 years (well 29 years come Jan 2011) of living that made life more exciting
2. Family and extended families to go home to for Chinese New Year, X'mas, birthdays and all the special occasions in life
3. Friends who love her and who have been there for her when she needed them
4. A job that takes care of ALL the bills! The Semi-Retired Drama Queen has A LOT of bills to pay and life would have been really miserable without the pay cheque!
5. An comfortable little apartment (see pix above) for her to go home to at the end of the day. When the Semi-Retired Drama Queen decided to stand on her own two feet and move into her own apartment in 2008, she only had RM2,500 to her name. She could not afford to furnish her apartment after paying her rental deposit! Her home was practically empty save a thin mattress to sleep on, a coffee table used as dining table and a rug and some throw cushions to add some color to her living room and for her to sit on -- see how far she has came along?
6. A decent car to take her places
7. Some extra money for holidays
8. Some money for her mom
9. A mother who loves her, a brother and a sister she could rely on, two lovely nieces for her to play with and a cool sister-in-law she could get along with (who also happens to be a hell of a good cook and a damn good mother to her nieces)
10. Her education and her own ability to still stay sane and move on with life (with head held high) despite all the challenges that she has been through (and it was A LOT!)

Life is indeed beautiful and 2011 will be better!

Reasons to Throw the Housemate from Hell Out!

1. The Housemate from Hell is very emotionally needy and often has teary outbursts. The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is only 28-year-old and is not ready to be a mother yet. It is also biologically impossible for the Semi-Retired Drama Queen to play mother to a 33-year-old woman
2. The Housemate from Hell has her family coming over every other weekend and the Semi-Retired Drama Queen is getting very uncomfortable with this arrangement. Why? Just last weekend, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen found the Housemate from Hell's husband, sound asleep in her living room, on the floor, in front of the TV. He had apparently "stripped" the Semi-Retired Drama Queen's throw cushions in his sleep!
3. The Housemate from Hell has a very ill-behaved 5-year-old daughter who breaks her decorative pieces and steps on the Semi-Retired Drama Queen's carpet in her dirty slippers
4. The Housemate from Hell has, since October attracted 285 cockroaches into the house by leaving foodstuff lying all over the house
5. The Housemate from Hell leaves the water running in the bathroom while she is at work
6. The Housemate from Hell stores explosives in the house -- 6 cans of butane gas!
7. The Housemate from Hell uses a more electricity than the Semi-Retired Drama Queen does. She stays at home (with her family members) for longer period of time and pays a rental of only RM350 permonth (utility included)

Enough is Enough!

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen has made her decision and the decision is FINAL. The Housemate from Hell will have to go!

Why? Because The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is beginning to feel like as if she is stuck in a bad lesbian marriage letting her room to the Housemate from Hell! It is emotionally and physically draining. (Read, "Reasons to Throw the Housemate from Hell Out")

Let's back track a little here... Before letting her middle room to the Housemate from Hell, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen was living a rather blissful life in her little 3-bedroom apartment.

In September this year, she has decided that she could use a little more holiday funds and decided to let her middle room out.

A string of strange individuals who were interested in the room were interviewed. The Semi-Retired Drama Queen then chose to let the room to the Housemate from Hell thinking that as a married woman (and a mother) she would be more matured and would come with a smaller baggage! How wrong she was... Problems started right from week 1 (read "The Housemate from Hell" and "The Weekend Heartache").

Now, on top of the 285 cockroaches that moved into her apartment together with the Housemate from Hell, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen also has against her will, acquired unwanted extended families! The Housemate from Hell who works every other Saturdays has her lazy-bum husband and an annoying 5-year-old daughter coming to live with her on the weekends that she works!

Having had her patience stretched, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen had the following conversation with the Housemate from Hell last weekend:

SRDQ : Are your kid and hubby planning to stay at over every other weekend?

HMFH : No, two weekends a month ONLY

SRDQ : If that's the case, you really should look for a PERMANENT arrangement for your family

HMFH : Ya, I will. But not sure yet. Don't know when.

P/s: WTF?!! However, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen has made a resolution to throw the Housemate From Hell out of the house in Jan

Looking for a Perfect Wedding Sabotage Plan

It's Monday... Overwhelmed by her weekend weight gain and Monday blues, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen suddenly received a telephone call that cheered her up and brought a certain devilish grin onto her face. Her friend, the Semi-Retired No-Nonsense Queen is looking for that one perfect wedding sabotage plan! Big DRAMA in the making!

It turned out that the mystery guy the whom the Semi-Retired No-Nonsense Queen is so in love with (and whom the both of them were stalking) will be getting married soon. Jan 1, 2010! That left them with about 25 days to sabotage the wedding?

"Every second counts!" the Semi-Retired No-Nonsense Queen said. It is her only chance to have a shot at winning over the man of her dreams! Together, the both of them came up with a few sabotage plans:

• Arrive at the wedding extra early, pour water into the PA system, slash the multimedia projector screen and slash the wedding car tyres
• Take the groom out a day before, buy him drinks that will sure to give him a very bad sore throat that he'd lose his voice
• Take the groom out to party, make him real drunk and take compromising pictures of him. Make sure to project the pictures right at the start of the wedding reception
• Splash red paint onto the backdrop so that the bride thinks that the groom owes loan shark a lot of money and freak out enough to call the wedding off

Alternatively the Semi-Retired Drama Queen also Googled "how to sobotage a wedding". Here's a list of ways to do it if you are totally in love with the groom:

• Gather just enough courage and energy to attend the wedding -- or half session at least. Then decide to throw the bouquet yourself and cut a piece of cake before the bride and groom
• Find out what the bride-to-be was going to be wearing to her wedding reception, make the exact same design to wear to that wedding!
• Volunteer to be one of the bridesmaids but keep trying on wedding dresses!
• Get drunk and start telling incriminating stories about either the bride or groom
• Show up with one or two kids and tell the bride/groom, "you left this"
• Streak across the podium during the vows

Any idea on a perfect wedding sabotage? The Semi-Retired Drama Queen needs your ideas to save the Semi-Retired No-Nonsense Queen's love interest. They only have about 25 days left to come up with a perfect plan!

Engagement Ring Dilemma

Hear ye, O brethren for the Semi-Retired Drama Queen is ENGAGED! She is on a mission to look for that one symbol of love, devotion and fidelity that every woman who has envisioned herself to be a soon-to-be starry-eyed bare-foot bride could ever dream of.

Psst... but no! The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is not expected to be married to anyone anytime soon. She is ENGAGED (by her friend who is a soon-to-be best-man for a wedding) with the task of looking for an engagement ring for a blushing bride-to-be. So to all of you potential suitors out there, thou shall despair not for there is still hope. Rest assure that you could still try your luck to woo the Semi-Retired Drama Queen once she steps down from her throne (permanently) some time soon?

...back to the task at hand! The Semi-Retired Drama Queen thinks that looking for this engagement ring is a very difficult mission. Why?

1. The soon-to-be groom has a very limited budget but wants a simple but elegant ring that a girl would like to show off (so a 1 carat solitaire is out of the question)
2. The Semi-Retired Drama Queen does not know the soon-to-be bride (nor the groom) and her friend who is the soon-to-be best man said that he does not have any specifications but trusts her with choosing the right ring

Therefore the challenge is to choose an "affordable" engagement ring irresistible enough for any random soon-to-be bride to say "Yes!" when the soon-to-be groom pops the question.

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen thinks that the plan could backfire...

...and turn disastrous if the soon-to-be bride ever finds out that the "affordable" ring was chosen by a random stranger.--->The poor bride-to-be?

She is so Stalking You... Please Make Her STOP!

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen recently found out that she has stalker tendencies!

How? What? Why? and Who? It happens that her good friend, The Semi-Retired No-Nonsense Queen is very obsessed with a certain someone. The obsession is becoming so infectious that the Semi-Retired Drama Queen could not sleep at night thinking about how this "mystery guy" actually looks like.

Here are some info that the Semi-Retired Drama Queen has about the guy:

1. He is the kind of guy who "would blend into the background"
2. He is not too tall and not too short
3. His face is not too square and not too round
4. He drives a Honda City
5. He is not good looking but quite charismatic
6. He is Chinese, early to mid 30's but The Semi-Retired No-Nonsense Queen now has reasons to believe that he may even be in his 40's

If you are a guy who fits the description above, could you kindly please stand up? The Semi-Retired Drama Queen knows your name (but thinks that she should not mention it in this blog) and has started stalking you! However, be rest assured that you are safe. She would not be sending chocolates and flowers to your office once she knows who you are. She only wants to know how you look like and what is it about you that is making her good friend weak in her knees!

Apa Itu "Low-Fat Milk"?

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen thinks that the government's "Use National Language Campaign" was a HUGE success!

Why? Because some people in the service industry do not speak English anymore these days. Here's one of the many instances...

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen was between gym classes at Chi Fitness, Damansara Perdana this morning and was craving for a cup of latte. The nearest place to get her coffee was Dunkin Donut (yeah, the coffee there sucks but the craving was bad!) at Mutiara Damansara.

Stopping at the Drive Thru booth, she tried to order "Skinny" latte and here's what happened:

SRDQ : Hi, I would like to have latte please.

Waitress 1: Arr?

SRDQ : Do you have latte?

The waitress then took a menu out and shoved it into the Semi-Retired Drama Queen's face

Waitress 1 : Yang mana satu? ("Which one?" in Malay)

SRDQ : This (pointing at a cup of latte), but can I have Skinny latte instead please?

Waitress 1 : Arr?

SRDQ : It's latte, but with low-fat/skimmed milk. Do you have?

Waitress 1 : Arr?

SRDQ : Do you have low-fat milk?

Waitress 1 : Wait arrr....

Left to get help from her colleague

Waitress 2 : Yes miss?

SRDQ : I would like to have latte, but with low fat milk instead of the normal full fat milk. Do you have?

Waitress 2 : Apa itu? ("What is that" in Malay)

SRDQ : Oh never mind, just give me this (Pointing to the picture of latte in the menu)

See!!! The government's effort to ensure that the Rakyat make use of the national language has bore fruits! People do not even understand the International Language anymore!

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen Wants to Spend Every Waking Hour Sleeping!

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen has been going to bed at every opportunity she gets! The reason: She bought herself a new set of bed-sheet. They are so soft and smooth, she had the most restful sleep last night.

Sleeping on the sheet was such a wonderful experience that nothing could take her away from her bed for too long now. Whenever she is away, she could almost hear her bed calling out to her, "come back... come back to bed. Feel my softness on your skin. I'll make you so warm and comfortable, you'd never want to leave me again".

Check out the sheet up-close. It is made of 290 thread count Microtex (brushed micro fibre fabric) with embossed grid lines. The sheet is so silky soft and comfortable, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen slipped into a very deep sleep almost immediately after she climbed into bed last night!

Curious about why the new bed-sheet had such effect on her, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen googled "brushed micro fibre fabric" to find out more. Apparently, the fabric is a "sensational combination of value and luxury". It is so comfortable that it is able to provide the feel of one's favourite t-shirt!

Although brushed micro fibre is made from polyester (so it can go from dryer to bed without ironing), it is lightweight and has the breathability of cottons. However, it is incredibly soft and silky because microfibre is more tightly woven and smoother in appearance as compared to cotton.

Further readings suggested that brushed micro fibre sheets are also hypo-allergenic and are recommended for people with allergies and sensitive skin because the fabric has fewer depressions to trap dust mite allergens.

Ok, enough of "geek-talk" about brush micro fibre sheets! The Semi-Retired Drama Queen actually believes that if she sleeps on her new bed-sheet long enough, she could actually turn into Sleeping Beauty! Here are the reasons why:

• Brushed micro fibre wicks away moisture without absorbing natural body oils. They are very breathable as well as moisture and heat dissipating. Therefore the Semi-Retired Drama Queen will be able to sleep longer and at the same time have nicer skin
• Sleep reduces stress. This new bed-sheet makes her feel like sleeping ALL the time. Hence her aging process can be reversed?
• Given that she spends more time in bed now, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen thinks that it is POSSIBLE for her to lose weight! She recalled reading somewhere that sleep regulates the hormones that affect and control appetite. Plus, she will be spending more time sleeping instead of stuffing her face with food!

P/s: The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is anxiously hoping for a handsome Prince to wake her up from her sleep with a kiss tonight :)

She's electric?

When this song was released 15 years ago, The Semi-Retired Drama Queen thought that Noel Gallagher wrote this song with her in mind... She still thinks so though!

The reason:
She's electric
(Well the Semi-Retired Drama Queen can come across as that to some)

She's in a family full of eccentrics
(YES, definitely!)

She done things I never expected
(Many times...)

And I need more time
(Didn't know that he needed more time... Should have told her...)

She's got a sister
(Bingo! She has ONE sister!)

And god only knows how I've missed her
(Hahah! God only knows how she had known this all along!)

And on the palm on her hand is a blister
(She has had many blisters on the palm of her hand...)

Later in the song...

She's got a brother...
(YES she does!)

But I quite fancy her mother...
(This one, she wasn't aware!)

But I think that she likes me
(Yeah, she used to like him)

She's got a cousin
(uh-huh...)

In fact she's got 'bout a dozen
(Damn right she does... over a dozen!)

She's got one in the oven...
(NO! this one was a make believe... U wish Noel!)

Cockroach on the Dining Table

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen found an adult-size cockroach on her dining table this morning... She is still feeling very upset about it! Very ANGRY with the Housemate from Hell who hoards a lot of foodstuff and lay them all over the entire 6-seater table.

SHE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO HAVE THAT TALK WITH THE HOUSEMATE FROM HELL TONIGHT!

Too Much of Good Stuff (Is Bad)

The semi-Retired Drama Queen is swearing off food and will be going on fully a organic meal replacement diet to detoxify her system for a week. She has been over indulging very unhealthily for the past one week. The following story is just one of the many instances.

Again, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen wished that she had brought her camera along with her so that this post could come with real life pictures. A comic representation would have to suffice this time. In your mind, replace the man in the picture below with two hot women, and the food; dim sum.

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen and her friend, The Queen decided to have Dim Sum at Damansara Jaya for lunch yesterday. However, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen took an hour longer than usual to get dressed. They both ended up extremely hungry and had lunch only at a quarter to three.

As soon as they arrived at the restaurant, the waiters started overwhelming them with samples of food. Famished, the two hungry women ordered EVERYTHING that struck their their fancy.

They ended up with a table-full of Dim Sums and it took them hours to finish their food -- they were still trying to stuff their over-expanded faces (and stomachs) when people on the table next to them arrived and left.

Laundry Trouble

This post would work better with real pictures but the Semi-Retired Drama Queen was too furious to take any pictures this afternoon.

It all happened a few days ago when the Semi-Retired Drama Queen realised that she actually had two and half weeks load of laundry to do. She then decided to send her clothes to the laundromat near her apartment.

She had underestimated the weight of her soiled clothes and paid RM20 for the service. She had initially expected it to be less than RM10.

When the Semi-Retired Drama Queen returned home after collecting the washed clothes this afternoon, she discovered that the 5 kg bundle of clothes that she had lugged all the way home were not hers! The bag contained male briefs, male boxer shorts, men's t-shirts etc.

Annoyed, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen repacked the clothes into the bag and returned to the laundromat. At the laundromat, the worker refused to accept the bag and insisted that there was no mixed up. The following is an excerpt from her conversation with the worker at the laundromat (Translated from Malay):

SRDQ     : Hi, there is a mistake. The bag of clothes I took home just then were not mine.

Worker  : Shouldn't be. There is NO MIX-UP. We sort out all the clothes according to names. Isn't your name XXX

SRDQ    :  Yes, my name is XXX. But those clothes in that bag aren't mine.

Worker   : That is not possible ma'am. If your name is XXX, the clothes in that bag should be yours

SRDQ     : Look, obviously there is a mistake here. I am XXX but I am pretty sure I don't wear men's briefs and boxer shorts. I want my clothes back!!

Worker    : Ma'am, I am very sorry but we can't find your clothes. If what you say is true, someone must have taken your clothes. We will contact you once they return the clothes to us

Playing Paparazzi on Diwali

Iniya Theebavali Nalvalthukal!

The Housemate from Hell had returned to her hell hole for the long Deepavali weekend.

Yippie!! The festival of lights has never been so meaningful to the Semi-Retired Drama Queen, EVER! Talk about victory of good over evil, where the light shines over Darkness! The Semi-Retired Drama Queen finally could have her THREE FULL DAYS of pure bliss without distraction from the evil force.

On the first blissful day, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen just felt like doing nothing useful to commemorate this euphoric state of mind. It worked for half-a-day, then curiosity got the better of her. The Semi-Retired Drama Queen was indeed, very curious about the foodstuff belonging to the Housemate from Hell that were occupying the entire space of 6-seater dining table. They have been left there, untouched, since the housemate moved in over a month ago. She wondered if they were intentionally placed there for display purpose only -- and whether or not they have been preserved with some kind of evil portion.

The quest for an answer begins... It started with the packet of half-eaten Gardenia bread on the table, I will talk about the packet of fruits next to the bread later.

Looked just like an ordinary packet of Uncle Slocumm's Original Recipe bread, no? But the Semi-Retired Drama Queen begs to differ!

The bread has been "displayed" on the dining table since forever! Check out the expiry date of the bread in the following pictures:

It is not very clear but the bread expired on Oct 28, 2010! That means that it is now EIGHT DAYS past its expiry date!

Check out the condition of the bread...

Still looked (and felt) fresh! Not a speck of mold was seen! In this hot and humid climate, bread belonging to the Semi-Retired Drama Queen would have turned moldy two or three days past the expiry date if not refrigerated!

What about the packet of fruits next to the bread? Well... they have been there (uneaten as usual) since TWO WEEKS ago without any signs that the fruits will ever rot (or be eaten)!

Do you think that the Housemate from Hell preserved all her food and intentionally place them on the Semi-Retired Drama Queen's dining table for display purpose only? You be the judge, but the Semi-Retired Drama Queen certainly thinks so!

Waiting to End the Heartache

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen does not have space for eating at her dining table anymore!

Look at state of her 6-seater dining table, the only items on the table that belong to her were two water tumblers and the cake box!

The cake box was the latest edition and that practically took up the whole remaining space! This is because her housemate from hell had decided to make use of the dining table (which belongs to the Semi-Retired Drama Queen) as a display table for food items that had invisible "DO NOT EAT" tags pasted all over them--and those items continue to multiply.

P.s: The housemate from hell had stated her desire to move out but has yet to confirm a date. The Semi-Retired Drama Queen hopes that it will be some time SOON!

Unlocking Catastrophe

Such chaos! It was a work day and the Semi-Retired Drama Queen woke up in a state of confusion. She was late for her meeting at Bangsar Shopping Complex (BSC) and her state of mind was similar to that of her bedroom – messy! She could not even remember what she normally packed for work.

Laptop… Gym bag? What else? Also, what do I normally pack into my gym bag?! Oh, never mind, I’d come back for my stuff after the meeting – on my way to the office!” she thought and left the house.

She attended the meeting, later had lunch with her friend The Queen at BSC, headed home to collect her things and… guess what? Her bedroom door was locked! All her things were in her bedroom. She had unconsciously locked the door that morning and she did not have the key! Double whammy?!

Then… she remembered that she used to unlock doors with cards ages ago. How was it done? Insert the card into the slit between the door and the frame... slide it down while twisting the door knob and jerking it back and forth hard to “jam” the card between the deadlatch and strike plate.

 She tried and failed because the gap between the door and the frame was too close and she was not strong enough to jab the door back and forth with one hand and sliding the card down the slit with the other! Next, she rang her new friend, Cheras Ah Beng to help her break into her room.

Cheras Ah Beng was in Glenmarie. He arrived 30 minutes later and came up with suggestions such as kicking the door open -- bad idea because the Semi-Retired Drama Queen didn't want to break the door in the process; unlocking the door with pin -- another bad idea because all the pins were behind that locked door; and breaking the lock -- let's leave this option as the last.

Still believing that her card method would work, she instructed him to twist the door knob and jerk it back and forth fast and hard while she slipped her Jusco loyalty card into the slit, slided the card down and... SUCCEEDED!

The Weekend Heartache

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen thinks that her home is slowly turning into a museum thanks to her housemate.

Check out her dining table… Half of the dining table has been turned into a display shelf!

Those foodstuff on the table do not belong to her, but the housemate because the Semi-Retired Drama Queen is a minimalist who does not like keeping too many things at home.

She thinks that the housemate has preserved all the foodstuff to be displayed permanently as exhibits. They no longer are perishable items and have been placed there by the housemate on the day she moved in and do not look like they are ever going to be opened or eaten!

To add to the heartache, the housemate returned from Malacca just 30 minutes ago with (guess what?) MORE STUFF for DISPLAY!

Resolution: The Semi-Retired Drama Queen intends to confront the housemate tomorrow. More drama to come?

http://www.spike.com/video/titty-titty-bang/3300001

Botched Boobjob... Nasty!

Waiting for the Drama to Start

See? What did I say about growing up? The little life's drama becomes less frequent... Waiting anxiously for another drama to happen.

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is Ill

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen had a cumulative total of 18 hours of sleep yesterday.

Consciously Dreaming?

Drama used to happen even when the Semi-Retired Drama Queen was in bed.

It happened a few years ago when the Semi-Retired Drama Queen was still the reigning Drama Queen. At that time, she was still living her semi-depressed life amidst the historical remnants down south and came to KL for some errants. She camped at her friend’s company apartment in Damansara Perdana while her friend was away on a business trip. She is normally a light sleeper.

Before I proceed, here’s the definition of the company apartment: Any employees of XXX Company can make use of that facility for certain duration just as long as they pre-book the place.

Here’s what happened. She arrived at the apartment at about 9pm, switched the aircond on, showered and went to bed early that night as there was nothing else for her to do. In the middle of the night, she heard people coming into the house. It sounded like a Chinese family (father, mother and very young kids) and they were moving things around the house.

Suddenly, the 'mother' came into the room she was sleeping in. The then Drama Queen thought that those people were probably employees of XXX Company and that her friend had forgotten to book the apartment. She did not bother waking up as she wanted to avoid the awkwardness of introducing herself to a bunch of strangers in her semi-clothed state. Therefore, she pretended to be sound asleep.

“Who is this?” she heard the 'mother' said, half-whispering to the 'father'.

“OK, children, let's go out, we’ll sleep in the next room. Better take picture first, just in case,” added and started clicking away. The then Drama Queen thought that she would temporarily ignore the incident and get her friend to deal with the situation first thing tomorrow morning.

The next day, she rang her friend who was in Penang and told him about the whole incident. Although busy, he made numerous phone calls and found out that no one else was at the apartment the night before. The then drama queen also inspected the the room that was supposedly occupied by the Chinese family and found no evidence of people sleeping in it.

Both of them then decided that the whole incident actually happened in the then Drama Queen’s dream!

Bali in April, 2011

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen and her travel buddy, The Queen decided that they would visit Ubud, Bali in April, 2011 in hopes to meet hot Brazillian guys there after seeing how hot Javier Bardem was in the movie Eat, Pray, Love. Can't wait!

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen's favourite quotes from the movie:


"Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding your back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can changeyour life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it."


And...


"God dwells within you as yourself, exactly the way you are. God isn't interested in watching you enact some performance of personality in order to comply with some crackpot notion you have about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality. ...every day renunciants find something new to renounce, but it is usually depression, not peace, that they attain."

Life as a Mascot?

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen wonders what life as a mascot would be like? Must be very suffocating?

Nice Geek from ATM

The problem with ATMs is, they sometimes swallow your card and leave you to deal with desperate situations.

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen went to an ATM at Subang Skypark late last year because she ran out of cash. She needed money for petrol and tol (she lived in Bukit Antarabangsa then). The ATM decided to go offline the moment she inserted her card into the slot!

What did she do then? She turned around and a guy was standing there! He looked like a geek but definitely looked kind enough to help a damsel in distress. “Hi, do you have RM10? The ATM just ate my card and I have no money now. I need go home and need the money for tol,” she said to the Nice Geek from ATM.

Feeling awkward (I think he did), he started fumbling for his pocket, fished out his seasoned looking wallet and pulled out the RM10 note for her. Pushing her luck further, she then asked, “I am actually pretty hungry now. Would you mind buying me dinner?” The Nice Geek from ATM agreed! Yay! Free dinner!

Together, they had the most awkward dinner at Sakura Restaurant. The Nice Geek from ATM invited her for coffee at Starbucks later. The Semi-Retired Drama queen was quite reluctant but agreed as the nice geek had after all, been very nice.

She is of course very thankful for the kindness shown to her by the Nice Geek from ATM. She didn’t think he had much money on him too then as he was paying for everything with credit card. Thank you Nice Geek from ATM.


P.s: They exchanged numbers. The Nice Geek from ATM has been asking her out for dinner since, but the Semi-Retired Drama Queen felt that it would be too awkward to meet again (But she would have said yes if he had Gerard Butler's face and Jesus' abs)

The Housemate From Hell

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen is a very independent woman who has been living on her own for some time. She is the kind of person who values her space and freedom. Recently, The Semi-Retired Drama Queen let out one her rooms to fund her holidays and ended up with a housemate from a place that is close to hell.

Where the housemate came from, every woman past the age of 21 is married and has a kid (or six) by the time they turn 28. In this somewhat similar to hell-hole place, women were dotted on by their fathers and husbands (especially husbands).

The housemate never had to do anything on her own in her life. When she was young, she always had her father at her service at any time of the day. After she got married, her husband took over the role to wait on her. He washes her clothes (including her under things), does the dishes at home, pays her bills, chauffeur her around, does the grocery, cleans the house, kept her sexually satiated, catered to her emotional needs, provided the sperm for her baby and the list goes on (and will go on forever).

When the housemate moved into the Semi-Retired Drama Queen’s home, they both didn’t know that residents were not allowed to make use of the visitors’ parking bay although the bays were perpetually empty. The housemate made use of the visitors’ parking facilities for a few days in a row until she was stopped at by the guards at the entrance of the apartment one evening. She was asked to park her car outside the apartment vicinity as the parking bays were strictly for visitors only.

“What do you mean I cannot park inside? I live here! It is not safe to park outside, I’ll sue you if anything happens to my car or me if I parked outside,” the housemate argued with the guard at the entrance holding up the queue of cars driving into the apartment for a good 10 minutes.

She then relented and parked the car at a spot 3 minutes walk away from the apartment and rang the Semi-Retired Drama Queen incessantly as the Semi Retired Drama Queen was in a business meeting and could not take the call. 

When The Semi Retired Drama Queen finally found the time to return the call:

SRDQ     : Hi, you called?

Tenant   : SEMI-RETIRED DRAMA QUEEN, I DON’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME! THE GUARDS STOPPED ME FROM PARKING INSIDE! I HAVE TO PARK SO FAR AND WILL HAVE TO WALK TO MY CAR THE NEXT DAY! I AM SO TIRED OF WALKING! AS IT IS, MY OFFICE CAR PARK IS LOCATED SO FAR AWAY, NOW HERE TOO? IT IS TOO DANGEROUS. PEOPLE MAY RAPE ME OR SLASH MY TIRES! I DON’T CARE, YOU HAVE TO SORT THIS OUT! IT’S JUST SO DIFFICULT (started crying hysterically).

SRDQ     : Don’t worry, we’ll work something out. I’ll be home in a bit anyway. We’ll talk when I get home.

When the Semi-Retired Drama Queen got home 40 minutes later, the tenant was still crying.

SRDQ     : You’ll probably have to rent a carpark as the property management does not allow tenants to make use of the visitors’ parking bay. I don’t know who has an empty parking spot now but if you want, I can accompany you to go look at the notice boards for carpark to let.

Tenant   : OMG! I CAN’T DO THIS! I AM SO TIRED! WHERE I CAME FROM MY HUSBAND HANDLED EVERYTHING FOR ME! I DIDN’T HAVE TO DO A SINGLE THING! I HAVE TO BE INDEPENDENT HERE? I JUST CAN’T! AS IT IS, I AM STILL MISSING MY DAUGHTER! YOU CAN GO LOOK BUT I AM NOT GOING WITH YOU!

Although taken aback, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen still made an effort to help by calling up and asking a few people about the carpark rentals. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a spot available at that that time and the tenant would have to be patient until the next one is available.

P.s: The tenant has been harassing the Semi-Retired Drama Queen at work daily by calling and sending her texts about the carpark rental.

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen had a Room to Let

The Semi-Retired Drama Queen lives in an apartment that only comes with a car parking bay per unit. She recently decided to let out a room to fund her holidays so she put up postings online.

Prospective tenants were analysed and screened thoroughly. The following were examples of potential tenants rejected by the Semi-Retired Drama Queen:

A mother calling on behalf of her son

Mother          :       Hi, is this Semi-Retired Drama Queen? I am calling on behalf of my son. He is looking for a room to let around XXX area. Is the room still vacant?

SRDQ             :       Yes, it is and as advertised, it is an empty room.

Mother          :       Got aircond?

SRDQ             :       I am sorry maam, there is no aircond in that room.

Mother          :       Oh, no aircond ah? If no aircond, my son cannot sleep lah! How arr? This room is which floor arr?

SRDQ             :       First floor.

Mother          :       Got parking?

SRDQ             :       I am sorry maam, this unit only comes with one parking bay and I am occupying it.

Mother          :       Oh… Can we come and view the room on Sunday?

SRDQ             :       I am so sorry maam, I’ll be away for a week Sunday onwards.

(Verdict: Rejected! The Semi-Retired Drama Queen does not want to take the risk of living with a spoilt brat who potentially has poor toileting and sanitary habits)

The Girl Who Came with 2 Others:

Girl                :         Hello, Is this Semi-Retired Drama Queen? I came across your “Room to Let” advertisement online and would like to rent it.

SRDQ           :         Can I know with whom am I speaking to please?

Girl                :         Oh, my name is XXX. Actually I would like to rent your room. Can I know how much is it?

SRDQ           :         RM350. Utility included. Would you like to come in for viewing first?

Girl                :         Can… Actually, got 3 of us want to rent lah. So have to wait until all three of us are free. So I confirm with you the time later?

SRDQ           :         Oh, I am sorry. I am looking for only 1 tenant. The room is quite small.

Girl                :         It’s ok lah. We can squeeze.

SRDQ           :         I am sorry, but I will have to turn you down. Three persons will require more utility usage and I have only factored in the price for one in the rental.

Girl                :         Never mind lah. You can increase the rental a little bit more. Because why? This place is very near our work place, so very convenient for us.

SRDQ           :         I am sorry, but I have got to say no.

Girl                :         Why arrr? Can lah… Because why? This price is very good for us. We cannot afford other places and our gaji also cukup only.

SRDQ           :         Hi, sorry but I have got to hang up now. Have a meeting shortly. Bye.

(Verdict: Rejected for obvious reason: Baggage is too big)

After more than a month of selecting and short-listing her prospective tenants, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen selected a girl with the lease baggage (or so she thought). It was until the tenant moved in that the Semi-Retired Drama Queen found out that she was a housemate from hell (well, close to hell).

The First Panic Attack in Her 28 Years of Living

Something very strange was happening to the Semi-Retired Drama Queen. She had a very bad flu and her normal dose of Actifed did not solve the problem. Her throat started to itch instead – she started coughing!

The incessant sneezing and coughing were keeping her up. It was past midnight and she needed to be up early the next day to make it in time for a management meeting at the office. What did the Semi-Retired Drama Queen do? She took another dose of medication, Bena Expectorant (Antihistamine medication for chesty cough) and dosed off within minutes.

Suddenly, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen felt chill all over. Her breathing was shallow and she felt like as if her blood was being drained out of her body so she woke up at 3am. When she checked her palms, they were pale and cold. Scared, she started feeling for her pulse – on her wrist, neck and chest. She felt nothing!

At this point, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen thought that her 28 years of life was about to come to an end. She thought that her vital organs were failing. She lives on her own therefore, she thought that God was giving her a chance to inform someone so that she would not die alone and have her body discovered only days later by some strangers.

Without wasting any more precious time, the Semi-Retired Drama Queen reached for her mobile phone and dialed 999. “Hi, I need an ambulance. I think I my heart had just stopped beating and I am going to die!” She told the operator. Five minutes later, no ambulance arrived. The Semi-Retired Drama Queen grew more anxious and called her brother who lived some three minutes drive away. She then walked to her apartment lobby to wait for her brother.

Her brother was unconvinced that her heart stopped beating but arrived within minutes. He sent her to the emergency room nevertheless.

At the hospital, the doctor carried out blood test, ECG test, blood pressure test etc. “You are going to be fine. You have just had a panic attack in your sleep. So don’t worry”, the doctor said.

P.s.: The Semi-Retired Drama Queen was late for her management meeting later that day because she overslept.